Just wanted to get your input on my second hook; I think it’s better, but if you don’t, please comment. I’m determined to get it “right.” It’s the most important part, and literary agents and publishers will send novels to the slush pile if you don’t capture their attention right away.
Thank you in advance for your help.
â€œFrank asked about my drinking, too, before I stabbed him and buried him under the house.â€ Mama glared at Ramon and then slammed her bedroom door shut in his face.
Ramon jumped and quietly mouthed the words: â€œI didnâ€™t mean to make you mad.â€ But the hatred in her pinched, red face registered more than her harsh words. The look rekindled shock and terror, and then . . . uncertainty: What should I do?
He leaped across the living room on his tiptoes and fled inside his room. Breathless, he locked the door behind him. Then, he did what he always did when sheâ€™d had too much to drink: he picked up his Louisville Slugger bat and gripped it until the next morning once sheâ€™d sobered up.